I actually wrote something before this but wordpress kinda screwed up or maybe just my laptop in general so I lost two chunks of paragraphs. Let me try recalling what I wrote few minutes ago, I don’t have that good of a memory you know…
Oh right, I remember parts of it now.
I have a 90% tendency to fall for someone very easily, in terms of personality-wise. I mean, looking back at my past crushes, it is certain to admit that I wasn’t someone who cared that much about looks anyways. My sister used to tell me that I have such high standards when it comes to good looking idols and celebrities while in reality, I am just a love-struck blob who crushes on someone just because they were nice to me. Vulnerable, if I must say so myself.
And because of this tendency of mine, I became absolutely manipulative with my feelings and others’ feelings. I am going to sound really terrible in the next few paragraphs so hang in there. I hope no one I knows read this post, because I am revealing one of my worst flaws.
Manipulative…how can I explain this…
Ever since I was young, I had many crushes in the past but as a child, I never really cared if my crush likes me back or not. However, as I grew up and became who I am now, I realised that I was manipulative, such that I never reveal my feelings for another person unless I am certain that person did returned his feelings for me. Sometimes, subconsciously, through my own strong feelings of attraction, I made my crush return feelings for me, I think. I am not sure about that part (in which I just realised it these days), because derived from my past experiences, for my second ex, I was the one who told him that I liked him and he said he liked me back too. I don’t know if I made him liked me but I am pretty shameless aren’t I?
Anyways I always hated the feeling of my crush not returning similar feelings to me but I never really did pursue anything unless he did show some kind of a sign that he liked me. Hence, I never really felt that much jealousy towards crushes liking other people because once I know that they are interested in someone else, I would stop myself and ignore them because I know my feelings are too obvious sometimes and it might put him in a very uncomfortable position. But of course, the jealousy was always there but it was purposely suppressed by other emotions.
You might be wondering…how do you know if someone likes you back or not?? hOw, mint, how?
It’s pretty simple for some people. Most people are hard to read, I must say.
Signs that a human bean is attracted to you and might have feelings for you:
- I have no idea
- Maybe a smile?
- Or short conversations about life?
- mint is still an amateur in reading other people’s feelings or emotions please forgive her
Again, you might be wondering, what’s with the title? How does it relate to this topic anyways? Let me tell you about a crush that made mint went crazy because mint experienced several rollercoasters of emotions and feelings during her obsession with this ‘Orange’ guy.
Let’s say ‘Orange’ was the name of this crush whom I think held the #1 record for being my longest crush ever. Back then, my crushes usually last for a month or so because you know, kids, they are reckless and immature (Not saying I am not immature right now because I am still like that). That time, I gradually fell for Orange when we were attending the same college. Even after he went back to his home country the year after, I still had lingering feelings for him. Not in a good way though.
Have you ever liked someone so badly that you started hating them?
It was the case for Mr Orange.
I liked him so much that I started hating him after that. It happened with my two of exes before and I was even told by my childhood friend recently that my second ex hated me for a year or two, and that was when we already broke up three years ago. Maybe that was the amount of feelings and devotion he had for me. (If you are reading this, know that you are a very nice person and you deserve a girlfriend who will treat you like you’re her whole world, so get a girlfriend soon, dummy) I actually hadn’t been in touch with two of my exes but I graduated with my second ex so he was one of my friends. I wouldn’t say close because let’s be real, both of us would feel terribly weird. He is currently studying abroad too and the last time we chatted was probably during his birthday. As for my first ex, erm….I don’t know what he has been up to since I wasn’t in the same class and I graduated a year earlier than him despite me being younger than him. I can see that he’s doing alright, though I know that he needs someone beside him right now because I think that he is going through a very dark phase in his life. I hope his family members are able to pull him out of the darkness soon or else he would eventually be consumed by the it. So, if you are reading this right now, thank you for all the bittersweet memories we shared, you were strangely my first love and even though we never made it as far as we thought we would, let us look forward to our future and be happy for each other no matter what.
Okay, I am getting offtrack with all these reminiscence of the past. I should let go of the past soon, even though these days I still think about it deeply.
Alright, Mr Orange, I will talk about you now.
Or…maybe not, it’s 2AM currently and I have a lecture to attend in a few hours…
I really need to stop talking so much crap and get straight to my point sometimes. I will post a part two…soon enough?
Wishing you all the best in whatever you are pursuing right now. You are doing well and please stay healthy. Take care my beloved minty blobs who actually read my posts ♡.
Mint ／(･ ᆺ ･)＼♡