Crushed

Hi there, I haven’t been posting a lot. I was busy with life and so many things happened. I did not get to write part two of orange yet but I will do that after this semester is over.

Anyways, this post will be fairly short because this is written on impulse (as always).

News update on Mint’s life:

  1. My group assignments have been giving me more headaches than in the past two years
  2. I met this guy in one of subjects and we became really close after chatting with each other
  3. BUT, the issue is I do not know if I have romantic feelings or friendly feelings for this group member of mine.
  4. and yes, I think he is not interested in me at all

Let’s get this out in the open.

I am a person who is super shy and from my past experiences, when guys approach me, I always do have this mindset of “they are approaching me solely because they want something in return”. I am a terrible person for thinking that way but far too many incidents have made me that way.

For instance, two of my guy friends from high school talked to me all of the sudden when I was in my first year of university (not at the same time though, just a year apart) and I thought they were just being friendly and we were just talking as good friends. BAAM / Guess what happened? Both confessed to me and I turned them down as I only see them as good friends and nothing more than that. Then later on, they did not talk to me after that, leaving me feeling desolated and used, because the reason for talking to me in the first place was probably they had an interest in me romantically but the moment they knew they do not have a chance, they just left without saying anything. From my perspective, I lost two good friends, from theirs, most probably they were disappointed or even annoyed that why I am not returning their feelings.

With orange (from the previous post), he did so many things for me such as cooking, walking with me to my classes and accompanying me to elsewhere, but one day he stopped doing all that, and i just realised how stupid I was, because he was just being friendly.

So with all that, you can label me as a shallow and easily swayed person, which from that experience, I covered myself up even more, in fear that if I ever let anyone near my heart, I would only disappoint myself so now, I would never open up to anyone that easily.

However, this time, with this guy friend of mine, we do talk quite normally (which was surprising because I don’t really talk to guys that well) and it was just enjoyable to talk to him. (Not sure if it is the same for him though). He did cooked for me and we ate out together as friends (let me remind you that he told me, “I would not do anything that makes girls misunderstand my actions” and i can clearly see from his actions that he had no feelings for me at all, just a friend to eat out with and talk with maybe). We bicker most of the time and sometimes i just wanna smack him on the head or face but i don’t really know if that is counted as flirting or not. (By the way, the gif literally describe how I sometimes wanna smack him on the face) If it does, I should stop doing that then…

But for me, as I am such a soft person with honey-sweet fantasies about real life dates (that I have never get to experience with my past relationships), I am starting to wonder if I am getting too fond of him. I get nervous when he comes close to me or just trying to look alright on the days we meet up for our tutorial work. This is not a matter of whether or not he has romantic feelings for me (because as confirmed by me and solely me, nope, it doesn’t seem like he cares about me at all), it is a matter of whether I have fallen for him or not.

Anyways this might the second time I have a one-sided crush on someone (first was orange obviously and this was…let’s call him chatty guy because he talks way too much).

All in all, my current position in life, in university and in my relationship progress, it all comes down to figuring whether or not I have romantic feelings for this chatty guy.

 

I can say we are so not compatible in terms of a lot of things such as interests or even the way we perceive things (or even buy things), but you know, for me, his personality and aura is just charming. His looks are so-so but his personality might have contribute 90% to his charms.

Ah well, at this rate, let’s see if we still keep in touch after our group assignment is over. That….I will let you know.

 

I might have written this in a rush but I am glad to get this out of my chest. It has been suffocating me for a while. Liking or having a lil crush on someone isn’t easy at all. It all comes down to how brave you are to take that chance.

 

(The gif is taken from https://anime-shojo.tumblr.com/post/149712490090 !)

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

 

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