Crushed

Hi there, I haven’t been posting a lot. I was busy with life and so many things happened. I did not get to write part two of orange yet but I will do that after this semester is over.

Anyways, this post will be fairly short because this is written on impulse (as always).

News update on Mint’s life:

  1. My group assignments have been giving me more headaches than in the past two years
  2. I met this guy in one of subjects and we became really close after chatting with each other
  3. BUT, the issue is I do not know if I have romantic feelings or friendly feelings for this group member of mine.
  4. and yes, I think he is not interested in me at all

Let’s get this out in the open.

I am a person who is super shy and from my past experiences, when guys approach me, I always do have this mindset of “they are approaching me solely because they want something in return”. I am a terrible person for thinking that way but far too many incidents have made me that way.

For instance, two of my guy friends from high school talked to me all of the sudden when I was in my first year of university (not at the same time though, just a year apart) and I thought they were just being friendly and we were just talking as good friends. BAAM / Guess what happened? Both confessed to me and I turned them down as I only see them as good friends and nothing more than that. Then later on, they did not talk to me after that, leaving me feeling desolated and used, because the reason for talking to me in the first place was probably they had an interest in me romantically but the moment they knew they do not have a chance, they just left without saying anything. From my perspective, I lost two good friends, from theirs, most probably they were disappointed or even annoyed that why I am not returning their feelings.

With orange (from the previous post), he did so many things for me such as cooking, walking with me to my classes and accompanying me to elsewhere, but one day he stopped doing all that, and i just realised how stupid I was, because he was just being friendly.

So with all that, you can label me as a shallow and easily swayed person, which from that experience, I covered myself up even more, in fear that if I ever let anyone near my heart, I would only disappoint myself so now, I would never open up to anyone that easily.

However, this time, with this guy friend of mine, we do talk quite normally (which was surprising because I don’t really talk to guys that well) and it was just enjoyable to talk to him. (Not sure if it is the same for him though). He did cooked for me and we ate out together as friends (let me remind you that he told me, “I would not do anything that makes girls misunderstand my actions” and i can clearly see from his actions that he had no feelings for me at all, just a friend to eat out with and talk with maybe). We bicker most of the time and sometimes i just wanna smack him on the head or face but i don’t really know if that is counted as flirting or not. (By the way, the gif literally describe how I sometimes wanna smack him on the face) If it does, I should stop doing that then…

But for me, as I am such a soft person with honey-sweet fantasies about real life dates (that I have never get to experience with my past relationships), I am starting to wonder if I am getting too fond of him. I get nervous when he comes close to me or just trying to look alright on the days we meet up for our tutorial work. This is not a matter of whether or not he has romantic feelings for me (because as confirmed by me and solely me, nope, it doesn’t seem like he cares about me at all), it is a matter of whether I have fallen for him or not.

Anyways this might the second time I have a one-sided crush on someone (first was orange obviously and this was…let’s call him chatty guy because he talks way too much).

All in all, my current position in life, in university and in my relationship progress, it all comes down to figuring whether or not I have romantic feelings for this chatty guy.

 

I can say we are so not compatible in terms of a lot of things such as interests or even the way we perceive things (or even buy things), but you know, for me, his personality and aura is just charming. His looks are so-so but his personality might have contribute 90% to his charms.

Ah well, at this rate, let’s see if we still keep in touch after our group assignment is over. That….I will let you know.

 

I might have written this in a rush but I am glad to get this out of my chest. It has been suffocating me for a while. Liking or having a lil crush on someone isn’t easy at all. It all comes down to how brave you are to take that chance.

 

(The gif is taken from https://anime-shojo.tumblr.com/post/149712490090 !)

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

 

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Orange (Part 1)

I actually wrote something before this but wordpress kinda screwed up or maybe just my laptop in general so I lost two chunks of paragraphs. Let me try recalling what I wrote few minutes ago, I don’t have that good of a memory you know…

 

Oh right, I remember parts of it now.

I have a 90% tendency to fall for someone very easily, in terms of personality-wise. I mean, looking back at my past crushes, it is certain to admit that I wasn’t someone who cared that much about looks anyways. My sister used to tell me that I have such high standards when it comes to good looking idols and celebrities while in reality, I am just a love-struck blob who crushes on someone just because they were nice to me. Vulnerable, if I must say so myself.

And because of this tendency of mine, I became absolutely manipulative with my feelings and others’ feelings. I am going to sound really terrible in the next few paragraphs so hang in there. I hope no one I knows read this post, because I am revealing one of my worst flaws.

Manipulative…how can I explain this…

Ever since I was young, I had many crushes in the past but as a child, I never really cared if my crush likes me back or not. However, as I grew up and became who I am now, I realised that I was manipulative, such that I never reveal my feelings for another person unless I am certain that person did returned his feelings for me. Sometimes, subconsciously, through my own strong feelings of attraction, I made my crush return feelings for me, I think. I am not sure about that part (in which I just realised it these days), because derived from my past experiences, for my second ex, I was the one who told him that I liked him and he said he liked me back too. I don’t know if I made him liked me but I am pretty shameless aren’t I?

Anyways I always hated the feeling of my crush not returning similar feelings to me but I never really did pursue anything unless he did show some kind of a sign that he liked me. Hence, I never really felt that much jealousy towards crushes liking other people because once I know that they are interested in someone else, I would stop myself and ignore them because I know my feelings are too obvious sometimes and it might put him in a very uncomfortable position. But of course, the jealousy was always there but it was purposely suppressed by other emotions.

You might be wondering…how do you know if someone likes you back or not?? hOw, mint, how?

It’s pretty simple for some people. Most people are hard to read, I must say.

Signs that a human bean is attracted to you and might have feelings for you:

  1. I have no idea
  2. Maybe a smile?
  3. Or short conversations about life?
  4. mint is still an amateur in reading other people’s feelings or emotions please forgive her

 

Again, you might be wondering, what’s with the title? How does it relate to this topic anyways? Let me tell you about a crush that made mint went crazy because mint experienced several rollercoasters of emotions and feelings during her obsession with this ‘Orange’ guy.

Let’s say ‘Orange’ was the name of this crush whom I think held the #1 record for being my longest crush ever. Back then, my crushes usually last for a month or so because you know, kids, they are reckless and immature (Not saying I am not immature right now because I am still like that). That time, I gradually fell for Orange when we were attending the same college. Even after he went back to his home country the year after, I still had lingering feelings for him. Not in a good way though.

Have you ever liked someone so badly that you started hating them?

It was the case for Mr Orange.

I liked him so much that I started hating him after that. It happened with my two of exes before and I was even told by my childhood friend recently that my second ex hated me for a year or two, and that was when we already broke up three years ago. Maybe that was the amount of feelings and devotion he had for me. (If you are reading this, know that you are a very nice person and you deserve a girlfriend who will treat you like you’re her whole world, so get a girlfriend soon, dummy) I actually hadn’t been in touch with two of my exes but I graduated with my second ex so he was one of my friends. I wouldn’t say close because let’s be real, both of us would feel terribly weird. He is currently studying abroad too and the last time we chatted was probably during his birthday. As for my first ex, erm….I don’t know what he has been up to since I wasn’t in the same class and I graduated a year earlier than him despite me being younger than him. I can see that he’s doing alright, though I know that he needs someone beside him right now because I think that he is going through a very dark phase in his life. I hope his family members are able to pull him out of the darkness soon or else he would eventually be consumed by the it. So, if you are reading this right now, thank you for all the bittersweet memories we shared, you were strangely my first love and even though we never made it as far as we thought we would, let us look forward to our future and be happy for each other no matter what.

Okay, I am getting offtrack with all these reminiscence of the past. I should let go of the past soon, even though these days I still think about it deeply.

Alright, Mr Orange, I will talk about you now.

Or…maybe not, it’s 2AM currently and I have a lecture to attend in a few hours…

I really need to stop talking so much crap and get straight to my point sometimes. I will post a part two…soon enough?

Wishing you all the best in whatever you are pursuing right now. You are doing well and please stay healthy. Take care my beloved minty blobs who actually read my posts ♡.

 

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be Yourself

Lately, I have been trying to fit myself into tight schedules such as skipping meals so that I can spend more time in the library. This idea (or motivation if I may say so myself) of spending most of time in the library actually comes from one of my friends back in college. She is in the same university as me but of course, she’s terribly and excitingly active in many organisations and clubs and yet she’s amazingly good at studies and fitness. I am like looking up at her like wow, you are goals man. (I mean that she posts her time schedule daily on her social media and most of her time was in the library so I wanted to try it out but….)

But little did I realise that I can’t be like her or anyone else in particular. I like studying and revising in my own time, pace and space. I personally know that I can’t even be half as good or even quarter as good as her but I still tried this insane schedule I set for myself. It did help me in such a way that I am motivated to study (80% of the time?) but I don’t really like looking for spaces in library and end up sitting in a very uncomfortable space and have to stay there in case someone else takes my seat.

So basically I am saying that after trying out a schedule I tried imitating from my friend, I think that I will probably stick to that morning schedule but not the after six o’clock schedule because I am awfully exhausted.

The point of this post is that, just be yourself. Just follow your own pace. You don’t need to be as good as someone or better than them, I mean if that is your motivation, then you are welcome to use that but remember, you are you and you are different form everyone else. It’s very unwise to try to be like someone else when you personally know that both of you are two worlds apart. Just go with your own flow and you know, just enjoy and appreciate yourself. It’s hard I know, I am someone with a lot of flaws and after today’s long talk with my group member (who eventually becomes my friend in the end I think! She’s really nice!), I just realised how bad 2016 and this year is. I mean this year hasn’t even reach the mid part of it but hopefully and definitely I will turn that all around.

I have decided to think more positively and as I always like to think (and as a comfort), everything happens for a reason. It happened and it was really bad, but are you able to change it? Even with your capability? No? Then just work on what happens afterwards. If you can change it, why not?

I want to end this post with, as the title says, BE YOURSELF! YOU ARE YOU AND YOU ARE DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE. YOU ARE UNIQUE AND YOU HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE TODAY A GOOD DAY, TOMORROW A BETTER DAY AND THE DAYS AFTER THAT EVEN BETTER. So what if today and last week sucked? You still have tomorrow to look forward to. Even if you have exams and assignments and problems to face at work, you just have to go through it. That is what life is all about. Challenges and obstacles, annoying people and good people. Stress, break-ups, friendships, family and financial issues.

Life is all about experiences, whether if it is good or bad, it will forever be a memory we will hold onto and look back and smile (or frown if it’s something you want to forget about but can’t)

I believe in you and I believe that you are able to change your day, your situation and surrounding if you believe in yourself in making that change. You are awesome and I am proud of you for coming this far in life. There is still a long way to go so let’s go through life step by step together shall we?

Let’s go!~

(Except that you have to leave me behind for a little while, I need to get these assignments done so that I can proceed together with you hmm…)

Birthday Surprise Attacks

MOOD TODAY: ( . •́ _ʖ •̀ .) <– because of assignments

I turned 18 3 weeks back and since I was studying overseas, I did not get to celebrate it with my parents. Luckily, two of my good friends actually invited me out that night and showered me with gifts of snacks and treated me with a macha frozen yoghurt. In my heart, I was feeling really grateful and elated. I didn’t really expect anything this year because I knew that my birthday was exactly on the start of uni sem 1 and nobody remembered it probably.

But as far as I know, a lot of people sent me birthday wishes here and there. I am truly blessed and thankful for all the birthday greetings. Back to my friends, as I said, even though last year they celebrated my birthday with a dinner and cake on the exact day of  my birthday, I didn’t really have any expectations for anything this year. These two friends of mine bought me some cider and it tasted pretty good. But then again, I wouldn’t want to try it again bc it made me feel so sleepy. Apparently, I have low tolerance to alcohol hmm…

Anyways, they spent time with me in my apartment, just talking random stuffs. Then they left and said happy birthday again. If they ever come across this post, I would like to thank you for making my 18th birthday a memorable one. You guys made such efforts for a person like me. I’m really overwhelmed and blessed to get to know you all after arriving in a foreign country for studies. I will not forget you all and thanks for everything you have done for me. I wouldn’t be who I am today without your help. During that time, I was emotionally really down and talking to them really helped me to feel better.

After that, I thought it was the last time I would probably see them bc hey, we are all so busy in uni. Then they invited me out for some korean dinner and as I was elated to meet with them and along with few other friends I haven’t seen in a year, I, again didn’t, expect anything surprise or anything like that bc they already celebrated my birthday with me so I was already satisfied with that.

At the end of the dinner, they just simply said they were going to the washroom and one of my friend stared at me cheekily while I just replied with a smile. I didn’t know they were going to collect the cake. After quite some time, I was getting suspicious so a random thought past my mind, “Are they going to do some kind of surprise again? I feel like they are getting something, maybe a cake?” But I thought to myself, “Hmm…it couldn’t be because they already celebrated my birthday on Monday” Assuring myself that they really got into trouble in the washroom, I just simply talked with other people and played with my phone.

Little did I know, they started singing happy birthday and as slow as I get, I was so surprised and I kept thanking them. Like wow, did they really thought so much of me? I mean I wouldn’t really care about someone like me, if I were in their shoes. (Did ya see how pessimistic I turned out to be? Bad, Mint, very bad…)

 

I like to care for others but as much as I would like to receive in return, I really don’t set my expectations high for people whom I really care about, because for me, if expectations were never fulfilled, I would be filled with regret and disappointment, or like i would like to say, I would feel like a disappointment.

So I always assume other people don’t really think highly as me as I do, about them. This is just something I assume so that I don’t feel disappointed afterwards. This is probably not healthy as it hurts my self esteem and self-confidence. This is why I am certified as an introvert. Seriously I need to change myself soon.

 

BUT going beyond my expectations, they really thought highly of me, and I am always grateful no matter what. Yesterday, yes yesterday, one of my friends who celebrated my birthday that night, said she wanted to pass something to me. When she gave it to me, I was again struck with surprise. IT’S AN ALBUM I HAVE BEEN WANTING FOR A WHILE NOW. (So that’s why they kept asking me about which version of the album I am going to buy, I did not even expect that at ALL, I’M STILL SO SHOCKED)

 

Triple Birthday surprise attack (not really sure if the album counts as my belated birthday gift but I counted it in anyways)

 

If you were wondering what album it is, it’s a B.A.P album. My absolute favourite group. I will probably compile a list of songs I really enjoy from B.A.P and other groups in the future so stay tuned for my recommendation of songs soon!

(Featured image credits to google & respective owner)

I am delaying my assignments for this post so I need to get back to it soon. See you guys soon and hope you’re all doing well! Bye bye!

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

 

Certified Introvert ✓

Yes Princess Mia, I feel the exact way all the time but my major in uni requires me to be more like an extrovert so I don’t exactly fit well anywhere… (Credits to google and respective owner)

Hi guys, I haven’t been posting much and this is going to be a very short post. So let me get straight to my main point of today.

So I took this management subject in uni and for the group assignment, groups are formed by taking a personality test and a system will sort out all of us in the same tutorial according to personality types i assume. So what I found out after I did the personality test is that I am a certified introvert. And yes this subject is like two weeks old but hey I am really interested in these kinds of things.

Basically my personality type is ISFJ, which stands for “Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging”.

But apparently people with this personality type is more likely to be misunderstood most of the time but very loyal to those around them I think. I read somewhere and it says that they are too nice to the point they are being taken advantaged of but they still don’t mind.

Here’s a link to this personality type if you wanna read more about it >>humanmetrics.com<<

So there you have it. I am a certified (kinda) introvert. Yeap, I completely agree with most characteristics of that personality type. What’s yours? I would like to know!

Wishing everyone had a good week, if not, have a better week next week!

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

Being an extrovert for a day

That gif of Honey senpai is literally and internally me today (credits to google)

Hi guys, yes, the title says it all. I finally talked to people in my tutorials and joked around too. You might think that, that’s no big deal at all Mint, like why would you even need to write a post about this? Like is talking to people meant being an extrovert? Pfft get your facts right Mint.

Yeah, I know, being an extrovert is so much more than what I did today but at least, I shifted near enough to the extrovert side. Last two years ago, my friend took Psychology as one of her subjects and she sent me a link which her teacher gave them to analyse their personality. I had a hard time finding the link but finally, I found it!! Here is the link if you would like to take it too >similarminds< (I think I took Eysenck Test last time!)

The results from that personality test were from 2 years ago so I am going to take it again today.

Let me list my result from two years ago and then compare two years later.

It said on the website:

Extroversion results were low which suggest you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive , and private.

Neuroticism results were moderately high which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional and anxious.

Psychoticism results were moderately low which suggest you are, at times, overly kind-natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development…

Screen Shot 2017-03-06 at 18.40.01.png

(All credits goes to similarminds.com, I do not own anything, this is simply what I would like to talk about so some information is needed in my discussion)

 

 

 

 

2015 results

As you can see, I am fairly on the introvert side, a test I took two years ago. So in order to see if two years living abroad did change me, I would like to discover any changes in myself.

-After 10 minutes of taking the test and wasting time on YouTube for another 20 minutes-

Screen Shot 2017-03-06 at 18.55.46.png

2017 results

Wow, I am still pretty much the same but leaning towards extrovert I suppose? I’m not entirely sure but oh well! Let me take the test next year to see my progress.

That wasn’t really the point of this post but check the personality test out if you would like. It’s interesting and at least i think it’s accurate to some degree. ANYWAYS, I met some good people and they were really nice too. There’s this guy with similar Chinese name as I am and we talked really casually (p.s. he was pretty cute I suppose, but I just need to meet him a few times to confirm that!), the girl beside me was pretty nice too and that other guy who was quiet. But overall, today was achievement for me, in the least.

This is out of topic but when will I get a boyfriend soon…? Haha, let me just laugh at myself for writing that.

 

I hope you had a good time reading this and wishing you all a great week ahead! I have a pile of work for me to do even though it’s only the second week of being a second year uni student. Hmm…university life. Probably better than the life after uni right? *chuckles*

 

 

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

Mint’s First Flight Alone + Panic Attack

Oh right, panic attacks. Aren’t they just frightening? But the size of the Psyduck gif scares me even more (credits to google/tumblr)

P a n i c   A t t a c k

Let me b-b-break it down for you.

(P.S. this is going to be a long story so buckle up and get ready for a whole lot of nonsensical journey of mine| this happened in dec 2016)

I was on my way to the airport, alone and it was my first time flying back home on a 7 hour flight alone. ALONE. I reassured myself that I have tons of flying with a plane experiences like pfft who gets scared even?

But seriously speaking, I did not get a wink of sleep before the morning of my flight because I was worried about not getting to the airport on time, or I would get confused in the airport and irrelevant concerns that should’ve been abandoned at the back of my mind. Similar to a Walking Dead zombie (I swear I have never watch Walking Dead before but you know just any zombie will be fine to fit into this description), I waited for my taxi to arrive but just so you know, the student accommodation I lived in during that time, the people from the ‘construction place’ were starting their renovation as early as 7AM. As soon as I saw them when I was getting out to get some McDonald’s, I realised that I need to get into the lobby next door before they really dig the hell out of the floor next to the elevator.

That is how I waited for two hours in the lobby for my taxi, and that taxi driver wasn’t even punctual. Okay, maybe a few minutes delay wouldn’t kill me but hey, I waited for two whole hours.  But during those two hours, a Chinese lady/tourist approached me and asked me if I could speak Mandarin. As someone who speaks very little Mandarin, or could I say, very VERY bad Mandarin speaking skills, I nodded my head in sympathy, trying to understand what she was saying. Through that experience though, I can confirm that my Mandarin intellectual and speaking skills are worse than I thought. I’m pretty sure that lady was annoyed why I couldn’t start up her pocket wifi. Like hell I know how when the device itself wasn’t even responding well. As again, I apologise to you, tourist lady, for spending your precious 20 minutes with a person who claimed to understand what you are saying when I only understood 50% of what you are trying to say. Hmm…my dream of being a translator just shattered, just like how my self-esteem breaks all the time.

Alright, back to the airport.

Getting into the taxi was alright, on the way there was getting okay, but that damn phone call shook my whole existence.

I-I just can’t tell you how much I suffered from my panic attack after that phone call. Worried and anxious as I usually am, I picked up the ‘No ID Caller’ phone call which has been ringing twice repeatedly.

Me: Hello?

Unknown: Hi, I am from ____ Airlines. Am I speaking to Ms ____?

Me: Yes, I am ___. How may I help you?

Airline Lady: Your 1.15pm flight has been delayed because of some plane issues (I can’t remember clearly what the reason was but as far as my memory goes, it’s similar to that).

Me: I’m sorry? Delayed? What time is my flight going to be?

Airline Lady: Your flight will be delayed for 8 hours. You have to check into the counter to get your meal coupon later at 10.30AM. I apologise for-

Just from that delaying-for-8-hours moment, I stopped breathing. I know, I know, people had it worse than me, some people even sleep overnight at the airport or days even. But remember, it was my first flight home and I am only 17 that time. The taxi driver was glancing at me because the phone call actually interrupted our conversation.

He was asking what’s wrong and saying don’t worry.

Little did he know that I was terribly perplexed and stressed because I was going to arrive at the airport at 9.30AM in the least and please do count how many hours do I have to wait until my flight departs.

Yeap, I had to wait approximately 12 hours at the airport that I have never been once alone in.

Short, sharp breaths began to kick in, I was gripping onto my side of the car handle for dear life due to my taxi driver driving really fast and stepping onto his brakes too inconsistently. (Like seriously why would taxi drivers drive like that? I should’ve Uber it instead). My hands, arms and legs were beginning to lose feelings and gain pins and needles instead. The feeling of vomiting in his taxi was real, I almost threw up on his seat but I tried keeping myself calm and relaxed. I did not reply him after that phone call, in fear that I might throw up real bad in his already-not-so-nice-smelling taxi.

FINALLY, we reached the airport with a terrible jerk as he stomped onto his brakes.

That is where my symptoms worsened. I practically couldn’t breath and I had to call my parents to calm myself down. I was feeling very dizzy, as if I was twirled around for 20 times. In addition to that, I was losing my sense of touch and was emotionally unstable. My heartbeats were irregular and faster than usual. It really did scared me. Calling my parents did calm me down as well as ironically, made me burst into tears too.

Okay tell me what’s more embarrassing than crying in front of your crush and in front of your whole class. Yes the airport. Bawling my eyes out, people were giving me looks which I didn’t really care about because I couldn’t see them properly due to tears and I had my glasses removed, they were fogging up too much anyways.

And marshmallows. Marshmallows calm the hell out of me. During the whole journey, I consumed a whole bag of mini marshmallows (that were originally meant for baking) slowly and calmed myself down.

Marshmallows man, who knew they could be so effective? (not really, just the puffiness and softness of munching on them gave me a sense of calmness)

So my conclusion is?

I have never experience a panic attack before in my life and this panic attack was wrongly scheduled but who knows when and where it will creep onto me again?

To you all out there who are suffering from panic attacks or any disorders in general,

Firstly, just calm down.

Secondly, try to consume something, in my case, something sweet will do the trick. Or just close your eyes and try to breath in and out slowly. It doesn’t matter if your hands are numb, just as long as you keep breathing, it is a sign that you are still alive and well. It’s just that little guy who is trying to make you suffer.

Thirdly, try to talk to someone you trust and love. Even though it might worry them, it assures you that you are not alone, you are loved and you are not going through this alone and it’s going to get better, trust me.

Lastly, just be optimistic, in the case that you have to keep breathing, calming yourself down, crying it out, and do everything that might help you improve your mental and physical state a little better.

I would like to say that even though I have just experienced panic attack once so far, I just wanted to comfort you all who might be going through this everyday. I might not be accurate with my advices but they are just advices drawn from what I had experienced so if you have any more accurate solutions to such events happening, please do comment, as it might help other people.

So, ending it, I was feeling better that throughout my flight, I just slept and ate and my parents had to pick me up at 2AM and drive all the way home, which takes 1 hr and a half. My poor parents, what did I do to deserve them…

Sooo…to my parents,

Thank you for loving me and giving me the support I have always need. Taking care of my sister and I were difficult right? I will probably know how difficult it is to be a mom in the future but currently, I just want to say that I love you mom and dad, and of course my sister, you guys mean the world and the universe to me. Even if I don’t show it often enough, please do know that I am absolutely thankful to exist, live and taken care of by you all. I love you guys lots.

(Thanks for reading this so far and I hope you have a great day ahead!)

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

Ugh

The above gif perfectly describes me trying to hide away from all my responsibilities and commitments, not that I have lots of those, yet. (Credits to: weheartit)

Hey guys, I haven’t been active after three posts since nov 2016. I apologise for that. A lot have happened ever since I returned home. I will probably write more after this, I hope.

One of my resolutions for this year like any other year is to be hardworking. Knowing how I am after starting something new (for example this blog of mine), I should put my upmost effort into writing something at least once a day, regardless of it being a short or long post.

If you’re reading this right now, yes this is a post to get myself to write something on a daily basis.

Why you may ask?

Remember when diaries exist?

I actually wrote my daily happenings or occasional incidents in a pink rainbow A3 book that had a lingering smell of perfume (that originally belonged to my sister, Sorry sis!) I still remember she also wrote down random stuffs related to Maplestory or some other game which was the biggest thing that time.

Oh right I am offtrack again.

Here I would like to say that, this blog will be a place to jot down my memories because I am a forgetful person, or might as well call me a person who can’t seem to differentiate dreams and reality. It’s true. Sometimes my dreams reflect my daily occurrences and I occasionally get muddled up between believing what I remembered or what my mind had just simply made up.

Hmm, maybe I should sleep more.

6AM Post

Ugh I feel so exhausted ( ̄﹃ ̄) but it was worth it to binge watch a 2 year old korean drama and of course, it has a happy ending. A happy ending that is unrealistic yet I would like to experience that once in my life.

Hi guys, have you ever experience pulling an all nighter until it was to the point you are even seeing the dark sky getting brighter? Yes, it’s 6.20AM as I am writing this sentence. And of course, I am witnessing the end result of my sacrifice of sleep, that is both happiness, annoyance as well as exhaustion. Even though I am in need of approximately 8 hours of sleep a normal person should be getting, I am here writing this post because I suddenly just want to write something before I spend my day sleeping away my exhaustion.

So…the main reason for this 6AM post is once again related to a gathering. But this time, it revolves around friends whom you are close with, but not really. I wonder if you understood that sentence. Okay, let me simplify it. You know you have those type of friends you have known from your college or from the same intake in college? I belonged to quite a small bunch of people from an accelerated intake last year and I admit all of them were pretty cool and they weren’t your average college friends. Okay maybe because i was the youngest of the bunch and whatever they were doing amazed me. From their intelligence to their behaviours. I am just amazed because most of them were from different countries but all of us have some similarities, in the least I assume.

I think I am getting off topic here. This post is not to compliment them (since these were all facts anyways). I remember whenever some of us from that intake would get together to have dinner, I…would always feel like I don’t really belong there. Recently, we had a get together with just the five of us. Obviously I could feel all four of them were really close as they talked about their memories and adventures together, which did not include me but I knew about it anyways because of social media websites such as Snapchat and Instagram. But I still pretty much talked with them and they were really friendly to me too. Well then again, you must be wondering what a lame post this is, like JUST GET TO THE POINT MINT! (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳ ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

(Yes sometimes I do think I contradict myself a little too much, maybe because I am used to trying to put myself into someone else’s shoes, which wasn’t really useful sometimes and I get hurt all the time..)

So the point is…the point…erm…I am not really sure. I just think that such friends’ gatherings are great and we should have it once in a while. But for someone like me, it’s awkward and difficult for me to get into conversations and become better friends if I was already the one who is not included in their adventures and memories. You know that feeling right? The feeling of being left out and even though your friends tried to make an effort, you know that it’s not really helping because you feel that you shouldn’t even be there from the start.

Friendships are so difficult and complex, especially amongst females. I don’t know much about males’ friendships since I myself is a female. This year, I lost two of my close friends just over 3 months. If I can say so myself, the only two close friends I had ever since moving to a new country. Well, I don’t really want to say they are my best friends since I only met them in college last year and we decided to live together this year and attend the same university. They are practically like sisters to me. I might get annoyed sometimes but I always respect their decisions. That is why when one of them decided to leave the apartment a day before my semester 2 starts, I decided to respect her decision even though her reason for leaving was practically hurting the other friend and in the slow process, me.

One left, another left too. And two new girls moved into the apartment. Hell breaks loose and until now, even though it’s not my close friends’ fault as I completely understood their decisions for leaving, but…I was heartbroken, alone and sad (ಥ﹏ಥ). I cried everyday, thinking why didn’t I stop them from leaving (mostly because the new girls who moved in were noisy, messy and just nuisances to me) but how could I? What power, what authority do I have to stop someone from leaving? From drifting away a decision they made or their parents made.

Maybe if circumstances change in a way that the two new girls who moved in were nice and all, maybe I wouldn’t be so hurt by my close friends’ leaving. I thought this way but any other way, I was being really pessimistic about everything. Truthfully, I still hated them for leaving me here all alone. Now. Here. This moment. My heart still aches like there’s no tomorrow. I guess I love them as much as I love my sibling. Either that or I was being too dependent on them. Too dependent that I wasn’t ready to let them go. This 6AM post is going to be a 7AM post soon enough. Anyways, how did gatherings turn into the loss of my close friends?

It’s alright, even though I shed a lot of tears because of them, they are just close friends from different countries meeting in a foreign country, in the same college, same university as well as the same course as I am. I still have my best friends back home, but you know, friends are really precious no matter when, how and where you meet them. I hope I can meet a friend whom I am comfortable speaking with and someone who is just warmhearted and comfortable to be with. A friend who won’t judge you for your weird tastes, someone who laughs together, teases you, someone who would lend a hand when you fall down, just someone who would like to have me around and I would like to make them laugh a lot too.

Ahh, I guess I went overboard with this post but just letting you know once again, I watched 20 episodes straight and now onto this post without rest so be aware that this is just Mint trying to pull herself together to write something without falling asleep.

I will talk more about my life in a new country in the future so stay tune will ya? Haha, thanks again for reading my ridiculous 6AM post and enjoy your Sunday!

 

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡

Family Gatherings (Part 1)

How should I say this in a nicer way? Hmm…I guess I can’t.

Hi guys, it’s a Friday at last and it’s a Friday nearing my mother’s birthday and Thanksgiving. Well, you know what that means. Family gathering at my house. But without my sister and I present at home this time around.

Let me get this straight. If there is a family gathering without both my sister and I, there is a 99% chance that either my sister or I will have to go through video calling. When there is video calling, I have to prepare myself for the worst. Why do you ask so? Firstly, you need to know that I am Asian AND as most people stereotypically know, we Asians have to address each family member carefully, respectfully and without doubt, happily (if my face muscles allow me to do so without pain). I, of course, panicked and eventually addressed every family member with care and respect. Not really for my cousins though. I just yelled out their names and start dancing crazily without shame. Hmm…they grew up so fast *sheds a tear*

Anyways, the main point of this post was to discuss about my aunts or just one of my aunts whose remarks made the highlight of the whole video call. Yes, you read that right and you already know what is coming next. One of my aunts saw me through the IPad screen and kept repeating these over and over again. As if I’m missing an ear or my hearing has been blocked by ear wax or as if I am not aware of how haggard I have been looking throughout the whole video call. “Mint, why are your cheeks so red? Is the weather there that bad? Why is your hair looking so bad? Your hair is so long and messy. You should cut your hair shorter like my daughter.” (」゜ロ゜)」

Hmm, why am I annoyed with these questions? Not really  ╮( ˘ 、 ˘ )╭ but that last sentence ticked me off. Let me get this fact out. I am not fond of her daughter. Okay let’s use a stronger word. I don’t like her. Comparing me with her, is just like adding fuel to my anger of fire I have been trying to put out ever since we were little. Like I don’t care if I look like I have not been sleeping for decades but don’t even drag me into such comparisons because I can’t help my face muscles from frowning if you were to say it like that. But thankfully, in response to her questions, I insulted myself even more and said I should cut my hair to the length her daughter has currently. Everything seem to quiet down after that, either if it’s the poor connection or just luck that they escaped my fury.

But hey, you might be wondering, how bad can comparisons be? It’s pretty bad if you are someone like me. Someone who is lacking of confidence, someone who looks at the ground instead of looking straight while trotting down the street, someone who apologizes even if I was the one who was being pushed. I don’t like this side of mine but I can’t seem to get in between arrogance and humbleness.

Anyways, family gatherings can be political, gossipy as well as full of tears (my little cousin’s tears that is) but these gatherings are memorable events, despite conflicts and all, blood relatives and even non-blood relatives getting together once in a few months or years is especially precious. You never know who is going to come and go during this long yet short lifetime of yours so always keep that goofy smile of yours during family gatherings and enjoy yourself to the fullest. No matter how troublesome little cousins are, no matter how many times your grandparents or uncles or aunts keep asking you the same thing over and over again, take it as their love for you. |ω・)ノ

Well, I guess this is all for today. I’m pretty sure there will be lots of posts regarding family gatherings in the future since I have loads of family gatherings memories to share too. Thanks for reading my stress post of the day and have a great weekend ahead!

Signing off,

Mint /(・ ᆺ ・)\♡