I love my boyfriend, I really do. Even if the whole world tells me I deserve someone better, I’d still give him all of my love as long as I can and would.
Why?
Why am I so stubborn in this relationship? Why won’t I just quit it and tell him I cannot do this any longer?
“I can’t feel your love nor can I feel that you care about me, you think for me, and we have a future together? I feel like one day you would leave because you are tired of the boring repeated sequences or you desire some new perspective in life or even meet new people?”
So this is the same guy who insisted on ‘Situationship’ as we recall it as ‘a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.’
Even with labels, I am not feeling like he wants the relationship to go anywhere.
He makes me feel insecure about the relationship, about myself and about how I overthink about most things. He never wants to talk about deeper things in life, and unable to answer in longer sentences about how his day went. He is…just himself. Being the emotionally unavailable one.
I love him, but there is a limit to how much I can hold on to this relationship and nudge it forward, by myself. He does not know what he wants from this relationship, and sometimes bring up the fact he loves to one day travel the world, make new experiences and meet new people, without any vision of me in it.
I still haven’t had the time to sit down to talk to him about my concerns. But I feel like he is taking my love for granted. I am not perfect, and sometimes I do or say silly things, but I often rethink and review my performance or how/where we are. Maybe one might think I think too much this early in the relationship (we met last Sep) but that is because I love him and I still don’t know why.
As I am typing this, I fear that the day we break up will be the hardest thing I will ever do, but if it’s for the best for both of us, I will do it.
Sorry that this post is random and not at all a happy one, but after quitting my job and going on a 2-week vacation on snowy mountains with my close friend, there are more to life than hanging on to my partner who does not reciprocate my feelings as much.
I know I deserve better and I hope to find a love someday that reciprocates and is as beautiful, peaceful and breathtaking as I imagine.
With that being said, I am signing off now and praying for better days to come for all of you ~
Signing off,
Mint ／(･ ᆺ ･)＼♡
Mint's Unappetizing Life 